F. PERSON

You're the One for Me, Fatty

2007-11-30T10:09:00.001-08:00

Quatchi needs a series of graphic novels dedicated to his lifelong dream of being a world class ice-hockey goalie. I want to adopt Quatchi as my very own Sasquatch baby. Speaking of sasquatch babies, it's about time to add one into my novel. You call it 'jumping the shark', I call it 'throwing in the sasquatch baby'.

What I have Learned This Time Around:
1) Naming chapters after the title of Husker Du songs is a good idea.
2) I did not know I was capable of writing in Sanskrit. Now it will take maybe another year to translate my notebook to Word.
3) The greatest line in TV, possibly in all media ever (books and movies included) is uttered by Cartman in the South Park episode where he is accused of a hate crime and thrown into Juvie: "I have it deftly hidden within the depths of my ass." Genius. Alliteration and an almost poetic meter to the sentence renders it right up there with "The Leeds side-streets that you slip down". We should all hope to strive to such dizzying new literary heights.
4) My book is horribly offensive. There is no PC meter and I'm trying to figure out why.
5) I watch WAYYY too much Project Runway and South Park. Maybe I can blame South Park for number 4.

Chapter titles are cool though. These are some in the book, in no particular order:
"The Third Floor Men's Bathroom at the Queens Mall"
"Some things I learned Today"
"Douchebaggery"
"Morning Star Ship"
"We're A Happy Family"
"Pulling a Left-Eye"
"My Date with Jabba at Red Lobster"

I don't know if I won NaNoWriMo or not but at least I have the skeleton of my story down, if not all the details. The audience for my novel is masochists with a funny bone. Hurrah!

Taming the BEAST

2007-11-19T13:10:00.001-08:00

My story is completely unwieldy at this point. I'm at the stage where I want to make someone turn out to be an alien or make someone adopt a Sasquatch baby etc. I'm watching all these Project Runway clips at BravoTV.com and it gives me a little reassurance that as crazy as the people are in my novel, real life people can still be crazier. It's also making me a little retarded.

Parts of this thing are too heavy on dialogue so I have to work on that. As far as WordCount, I think I'm around where I need to be. I was listening to too much opera the other day, it threatened to make my novel classy.

Not Without My Anus

2007-11-14T14:47:00.001-08:00

I've resorted to scatological humor and cheap innuendo. There's nothing like a well-timed fart for a good laugh. Here are some classic lines that the whole family can enjoy:

"I wouldn't want to vote for a President who doesn't respect explosive diarrhea. Shit happens, as they say."

"Shut up! And don't come out until you're finished shitting!"

"I'm very constipated, you know."

"Oh Christ, I just shit my pants!"

That last line has me turning into Jhonen Vasquez. This is all in the same chapter. It is NOT representative of the whole novel. Actually, it is. These two are from other chapters:
"Suck it, hippie. You have shit taste in music."
"I am NOT sleeping with that fat Nazi."

Maybe this makes me the next John Waters? Or Young Ones writer? My only problem right now is that there's a huge hole in my plot that I have to repair. Pooh to you sir!

Club Fool

2007-11-10T14:34:00.000-08:00

Checklist for Novel:
-Obese Chef who is a fan of Fugazi and Husker Du.
-Fey-as-hell Astrology TV personality billionaire ala Walter Mercado.
-Protagonist who hides in bathrooms to draw his shitty web-comics.
-Mall cop who does fan-art.
-Old crazy latina woman named Milagros with an orange beehive.
-Cool black chick with a shaved head who is probably the only sane one in story.

My word count is probably low, but it's hard to determine since it's all written out. I'm thinking of putting a famous person in the book, like Bob Mould or Joan Rivers. Is that legal?

The Thing From Beyond Alpha Centauri

2007-11-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

The alternate title for my novel is "Suck My Balls". It's an early Victorian-era masterpiece. Actually, I have no title. But the guy on the right is very good inspiration. He speaks to me through the colors.

Basically, my novel is like The Truman Show set sometime in the future but not as lame and much more funnier. And to make matters worse, I'm writing it all by hand first in a notebook. It's not making much sense but it's fun. Also, I will try to do as many drawings/comics as possible, I'll see which I get tired of first. :)

NaNoWriMo Strikes Again

2007-11-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

So basically this is the level of fine writing I intend to produce during the month of November. Some puppets, a bit of death, maybe some Sasquatch and possibly an election.

Actually, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I may as well get started now with some awful throwaway line. I have a notebook I may use and then I'll transfer the scribbles onto Word. I forgot how many words this thing is but I remember that it's two words longer than Fight Club.

Now I just feel like filling this part in because the image to the left is so long.

Piss

2006-11-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

I wrote this long thing about what my novel was sort of about and then my computer crashed. Typical. Now I just want to write a big fat humor novel but I think it's too late to change the thing. Oh yeah, my word count is at 4,228.

Idiot

2006-11-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

Word Count: 2,038
Neck: Out of Commission

Wow. I'm really not liking this story. It's already full of NaNo-ism's. I feel like a serial killer wrote this while I was gone:

-I squeeze past him and take a long piss.

I got a new one

2006-10-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Heh. Duh. I forgot my old username and password. Here we go again, NaNoWriMo!