Not Without My Anus

I've resorted to scatological humor and cheap innuendo. There's nothing like a well-timed fart for a good laugh. Here are some classic lines that the whole family can enjoy:

"I wouldn't want to vote for a President who doesn't respect explosive diarrhea. Shit happens, as they say."

"Shut up! And don't come out until you're finished shitting!"

"I'm very constipated, you know."

"Oh Christ, I just shit my pants!"

That last line has me turning into Jhonen Vasquez. This is all in the same chapter. It is NOT representative of the whole novel. Actually, it is. These two are from other chapters:
"Suck it, hippie. You have shit taste in music."
"I am NOT sleeping with that fat Nazi."

Maybe this makes me the next John Waters? Or Young Ones writer? My only problem right now is that there's a huge hole in my plot that I have to repair. Pooh to you sir!